Breaking up is one of the most painful experiences there is.. How to overcome such a situation? Where to start?
The following article presents the main reasons why ruptures are so difficult to manage, as well as the factors on which the suffering depends. There are also several keys to be able to start rebuilding our life and cope in the best possible way.
Why does a breakup hurt so much?
The breakup of a couple constitutes a duel. It’s like that, even though no one died, it’s a big loss.
Much will depend on the personal characteristics of the members and the nature of the relationship and the breakup.
If we are the person who was dumped, feelings of inadequacy, emptiness, and low self-esteem are also likely to arise. Especially if the relationship was also built on the basis of the feared emotional dependence.
What do we lose in a breakup?
A breakup is painful because it is a loss in so many ways.
1. Loss of someone important to us
We lose a key for us, so we will miss this person, but we are also losing a project for the future as a whole.
2. Loss of future projects
If the couple’s relationship had moved forward, the usual thing is that future plans were made. When the couple separate, these patterns are also broken. In this way, our idea of the future is suspended and feelings of disorientation and emptiness may appear.
3. Loss of a role
In addition, we are losing an important role. When we are in a relationship, we must not forget that we are such a person, but we are also the a pair of. After the breakup, we lose this role.
4. Loss of relationships with other people
On the other hand, we lose contact with the people involved. In many cases, the links are shared. The people around your ex who end up being important people in your life: friends, in-laws …
5. Loss of quality of life
Sometimes we lose the quality of life. It may happen that our pocket suffers: we live in a society in which being in a relationship costs less. Maybe you were living with a partner, so after the breakup, the expenses will fall on you alone.
What can I do to overcome the breakup?
Keep in mind that going through the duel is necessary. Many times, especially at first when the emotional pain is more intense, we wish we could sleep until it all stopped. But this, besides being impossible, is not practical, why? Because you have to live the duel to turn the page.
1. Learn about the stages of grief
Occasionally, emotions alternate so quickly that we feel like we are losing control: suddenly I am very sad, later I feel anger, the next day I feel very dizzy for my future …
Understanding that what you are going through and how you are feeling is normal is very important. This alleviates an additional burden which has to do with the worry that comes with the type, am I going through a setback? Every emotion you experience has a reason: for example, sadness helps you to assimilate what has happened and to surround yourself with those around you.
2. Practice contact 0
This part is complicated, but necessary if we want to turn the page.
Try to ask your people for help: ask her not to tell you about your ex, avoid bringing it up, don’t contact your ex, dump her things or ask someone you trust to return them to you, keep anything that reminds you of that person in one you can’t see, etc.
You have to help your brain understand that this person is no longer a part of your life. Keep in mind that your ex is like a drug to you right now, so it’s important to make it as hard as possible to fall.
3. Stop wondering why?
Human beings need answers. We spend our lives wanting to know even what hurts us.
After a breakup, the normal thing is to ask yourself why? Why did he leave me? Why did it have to end like this? Why me?
In the absence of information, we fill this void with stories that tend to make us worse. Also, we obsess instead of looking to the future.
Try to realize the next time you think like this and replace it with the question now what?
4. Focus on your mid-term plans
The question now what? make you look ahead.
You may not be clear on your mid-term plans and then it’s about connecting with what excites you and makes you happy to get back on track. Anything goes as long as it keeps you going: a trip, a volunteer service, a new business idea, a new hobby …
5. Surround yourself with your people
Sometimes the feelings of loneliness are very intense. In addition, our personal image can end up being damaged. We are living as a failure which in reality is an experience that we will surely learn from in the future. Our people will tuck us in and help us remember how amazing we are.
6. Boost your self-esteem
Finally and in accordance with the above: any break is a blow to our self-esteem.
We could feel that we weren’t enough. In reality what is happening is that you are perfectly sufficient but maybe you did not give yourself what everyone needed. Think that if this person let you go, it was because they were not your life partner.
Now, your self-esteem is a priority: the sooner you start throwing away what spoils it, the sooner you will feel better.
And vice versa, think about what makes you feel good, people, projects, activities … and fill your calendar. Don’t wait to feel better to do what you love!
You will send the message to your brain: I am worth a lot, even though I am not feeling well now.
I hope these keys have clarified how to start overcoming a relationship breakup. If you feel that you need help in the process, you can do so with me.
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